I’m really sorry but I’m going to get a bit deep and personal in this blog post. In fact, I’m not sure I should be writing it at all, but I suppose nobody I know will read it, so it doesn’t matter if my innermost thoughts come out.
Basically, I’m getting incredibly upset and anxious on the inside. I’m keeping it all together for my boyfriend and the people around me, but inside I feel like I’m falling to pieces. My university coursework is suffering and I’m panicking a bit.
I’m seeing everyone around me is selfish right now, and I’m not trusting people in the way I used to. Even my close friends seem a bit alienated from you. I’m really starting to feel anxious and paranoid. I’m not sleeping right and my work is suffering.
On top of that of got a real guilt me at the minute that I’m considering getting help with writing an academic paper I have to hand in soon. I’ve seen a site where I can just order writing help on that topic, with word count and even to the level it needs to be done. It isn’t cheap, but if it produces something I can edit and sending in a few hours, saving me the worry and hassle of a weeks worth of planning and stress, then I’m really ready to take it.
I know this is not right, but would just doing it once mean that I’m a bad person for life? If I don’t reach my goals in life because of this wobble I’m having emotionally, and therefore not producing work I can handing, should I have to put up with that? Especially if there are options out there?
I’m thinking of coming clean to my boyfriend and telling him what the problems are and what I’m thinking of doing in terms of getting help writing for my course by paying someone. But I know he’ll just tell me to calm down you go to the doctors and get writing. And I just don’t want to hear that right now. All I want to do is climb under the covers and never get out again.
I’m hoping that a good night sleep will work. So I’m getting all this anger, guilt and fear out onto my blog now and then I’m going to go and have a lay down and hope that tomorrow things will feel a lot better.